This morning the first message I received was from someone I love dearly. I treasure the relationships that I have made over the years with some exceptional young women that have worked for me. They consider me a mentor and I love hearing that I have made a difference in their lives.
Seeing her name on the message brightened my morning immediately and then as I read her message I shed some tears. She was letting me know that her Mother had been diagnosed with a form of cancer that is very difficult to treat and her one statement, “that it almost ripped her heart out” when she heard, was heart breaking for me to hear.
Although her Mom doesn’t have Breast Cancer, it hit home that so many people are hit with this dreadful disease, and it is not only the people who have the Cancer, but also those they love who are affected. I know that watching my family as they have waiting for my results the past few weeks has been harder for me than for me having to deal with the unknown. You don’t want your loved ones to hurt.
This wonderful young woman wrote me a message over a year ago and I kept the message. She wanted me to meet up with her but realized that “I was busy”. I am ashamed to say that I never did get to see her personally although we have kept in touch. She then said that she often thinks that if her Mom was gone who would she look to as a Mother and she thought of me. I was touched at the time and I am still touched deeply by her words.
She also told me that she has been reading my blogs and it has been keeping her positive. I just pray that even if it is in a small way I can make a difference.
So to all of those dealing with loved ones that have this dreaded disease keep strong and I will pray for you. And I will so try to not put off seeing those who are so important to me!
Archive for October, 2011
Rain of Tears for Loved Ones
And the “Boob” Waiting Game Continues….
A week tomorrow since I had the Breast Biopsy, and still no results! I called the Surgeon’s office this morning to ask if they were in…not yet..but let’s make an appointment for next Thursday..Sure, why don’t we do that. And, I guess if I call in the meantime you won’t want to give me the results over the phone…No…and I can understand that too! It is just soooo difficult waiting so long and I am not a very patient person when it comes to the waiting game.
Mammogram, beginning of September; over a month for an appointment for a Biopsy and then two weeks to get an appointment for the results. I might not have any hair left from pulling it out.
I am still remaining positive that I will have good results and if there is a plus to this it is that I have heard from so many that have booked mammograms because of the blog.
Still a bit sore from the biopsy but did a workout and Pilates last night. Lying on the mat on the floor trying to do the Breaststroke…well, it was a little sore to say the least but at least the bruising has gone down. Yoga, hopefully tomorrow night but the downward dog might be a bit much!
Take a look at the Breaststroke in Pilates…Thanks to Steph Benninger at L’Esprit De Corps for making sure I have some good strong abs!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iA-V8AtVcvY
Boob issues – we all got ‘em
Boobs….we couldn’t wait to get them (remember when you were a teen?). Some of us noticed they brought extra attention whether wanted or unwanted. Shopping for bras, shirts, tops, blouses, sweaters, camisoles, slips, dresses, jackets etc etc…was all about how they girls looked…and today ladies most of us laugh at how they look without their support systems around them. Clearly these 2 ‘appendages’ were a part of shaping who we were. And now, today, these girls keep needing attention! Ever noticed that The better the bra, the Better they make us look? They certainly are demanding!! So now ladies, check em out. Be sure to know them? 2 years ago I had a few extra lumps which after a scare, turned out to be cystic breasts that swell with my cycle. But I now know which lumps to expect and hopefully, God willing, I am able to find any new ones early. Since it has been 2 years, I will get my 3rd mammogram, cause it’s good to keep track of how they are changing. Get it booked, get them checked, keep your health in your hands. God bless! Anita
they make us look. Now we it’s time to get these girls
Do YOU Have Lifestyle Changes to Make…Dr. Oz Breast Cancer Awareness Quiz
As relaxing as it can possible be while playing the waiting game. Tomorrow will be the start of another week and the only thing that is bothering me right now is lack of sleep. You think that you are taking it well…that is until it is two am and you are still lying awake.
Thought I would share this quiz from Dr. Oz on Breast Cancer Awareness. I am going to make some changes…are you?
http://www.doctoroz.com/quiz/breast-cancer-awareness-quiz
And How do We Pass the Time Waiting for Biopsy Results…
Breast Cancer Awareness Month
I have had so many send me a message that they will now get a Mammogram and not put it off. Although I still don’t know the results of my biopsy I am remaining hopeful. I was wondering yesterday, why didn’t I wait until I found out whether it was cancer or not before I started blogging. But then, if the best case scenario turns out, and I am still hopeful that will happen, I would never have written the blog and I feel it is so very important to bring realization of the importance to get early screening. One thing surprises me, the lack of response from men. Do they not have wifes, friends, daughters and in some cases, even themselves that have had Breast Cancer? I have never known of men to not want to talk about “Boobs” before!
I also have a couple of friends and family that are already contributing or will be in the future and I look forward to sharing their journey too.
Last year this video came out and I felt it was worthwhile sharing again. Please don’t hesitate with comments or with anything that will bring awareness to the importance of Breast Cancer Screening.
Enjoy! and make sure that you read the previous posts!
GOOD NEWS? BAD NEWS? WE JUST WANT THE RESULTS!
Waiting 7-10 days for a vacation, a new car, new furniture, an upcoming special celebration day is a piece of cake. Waiting for biopsy results……..PURE TORTURE. Fifteen years ago, I was in the same spot that Jeannie is in right now.
Oh, how I remember waiting those long days and longer nights for my results. My results were not good news. Stage II aggressive breast cancer.
Yes I am a breast cancer survivor and I’m also Jeannie’s sister in law. Jeannie, you have a huge circle of family and friends that are here to support you and wish you the best results next week.
It’s hard to believe it’s been fifteen years for me. I am thankful that I am here today to help blog with Jeannie and share our emotions with others that may be going through a similar experience. Everyone is different and each cancer is different.
I unlike Jeannie, wanted to be alone for my biopsy and I wanted to be alone when I got the news. People may not agree with my decision, but you need to respect that persons decision and do not judge.
Five years ago I was told I had cancer again. This time it was Stage III Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. Yes, I am a TWO TIME cancer survivor. I want to share with you a feel good story.
This past May, a good friend of mine who I also work with told me she had a rare stomach tumour. I hugged her tightly and whispered in her ear ”F’k Cancer” and she whispered back in my ear “Carole, you are my hero”.
I was taken by surprise by her comment but, I now know what she meant. We had a good cry and I told Lisa that I knew all about those crazy thoughts that were going through her head and that it was perfectly normal.
Few of us at work during the summer would hang out with Lisa enjoying the hot summer sun and a few cocktails along with a lot of laughs. Lisa had a long wait for various tests etc. etc. Surgery finally took place in July and Lisa was sent home to heal and then the WAITING BEGAN. I am happy to report that Lisa is one of few people who gets to hear this from a surgeon…”Lisa, your tumour was cancer, we got it all and you’re done, no treatments”.
It does and it can happen, news like this. Lisa told me one day that she felt guilty for getting such good news when I had been through hell twice and one of our other co-workers was fighting oesophagus cancer.
Good news or bad news, we just want to know, then move forward.
Biopsy Day…Sore “Boobs”
I had to just share this picture
And then comes the Biopsy needle! In my imagination, I thought it was about five feet long, I don’t know if I was that far off! But then again, I saw that “thing” coming at me and I closed my eyes! Started laughing at myself, thinking that i actually thought Chaundra should take pictures. Yep, Crazy Woman. I seem to say that alot!
My initial reaction is always to try and make light of the situtation but the fear of the unknown, well it is sometimes difficult to not worry.
I must say that the Radiologist was great at trying to relieve my anxiety. He explained everything to me and told me that if I had any questions during the procedure to ask. We had a great discussion about Real Estate and the difference in home prices in Toronto and Waterloo Region; overextending yourself in the housing market..sure, just general everyday conversations. Anything to keep your mind off that bloody big biopsy needle coming at me!
I practice meditaion, and boy, this was a time for that.
Closed my eyes and all I thought about was a day in August and a wonderful little girl running to me and us both bawling as we wrapped our arms around each other….ok, so now I’m crying on the table, tears running down my face! I saw myself in the picture with four little girls and how it was so important that no matter what, I had to stay healthy and positive. It worked! Lesson learned…find something that you care enough about and be optomistic about the outcome.
A little woozy when it was finished and really lacking much strength in my right arm. Again, what the hell was I thinking about going on my own initially!
When I got home I was famished…demolished half a Swiss Chalet chicken and then snuck an entire container of Ben and Jerry Cherry Garcia ice cream, my favourite! Oh well, I deserved it! The Radiologist did tell me to “Pamper” myself for a couple of days didn’t he! I can work that off when I can get back to the gym.
Sore, some pain medication and icepacks and now ready for the long wait. I am sure that this will be one of the longest weeks. Will have to do lunch with some friends over the next few days…I’m good at “doing lunch”.
I’ll keep in touch…I am sure I will have more to post in the next few days. Don’t hesitate to contribute or comment!
The “Boobs” Need Regular Mammograms!
Yesterday was probably one of the most stressful days in my life, and I have had a few!
I really didn’t want anyone to come to the Waterloo Wellington Region Breast Clinic with me and sit around all day. By the time I had driven into the parking lot the panic had set in and I wanted to turn the car around and go home. The check-in process; the waiting room full of women, all accompanied by their husbands; changing into the beautiful tie down the front hospital gown all added to the panic. And I am not a person who panics easily! Another lesson learned…Do not go to a Breast Biopsy on your own!
It was determined that I should have an ultrasound and the technician couldn’t find the mass. I came pretty close to screaming, “It is there. The Radiologist at St. Mary’s saw it, my Family Physician felt it. Bloody well, FIND THE THING!” But, of course, I didn’t. Crazy Woman! When she did find it, I was almost glad!
I was told to get dressed, go and relax, and come back at one o’clock. I do learn my lessons, and I sent a message immediately to Chaundra, my daughter, “Going back at one, come with me.”
Did a bit of Retail Therapy for a couple of hours…I am going to go bankrupt if this keeps up for much longer…and then stopped at Williams for a late breakfast. Funny, I am such a social person, but this morning I needed to be myself.
Well, not only Chaundra but Bob came back to the Clinic with me. I think they were both just waiting for me to smarten up. They probably know me better than I know myself.
We were called in with the Surgeon for a consult after about an hour. He took down my family history, yes we have history of cancer in our family. Questions like, when did I start my periods…who the hell remembers that! Sorry, just trying to make light here.
The long and short of it was that both radiologists had made comments about the mass. One had called it worrisome (my definition, it is probably full of cancer) and the other said it was suspicious (my definition, it is probably full of cancer).
The good news was that it was still SMALL! I loved hearing that word. I would have a biopsy that afternoon, but unfortunately, the pathology results wouldn’t be available for about a week. I asked about the worst case scenario and he “feels” that if it is cancer (ugh, that “C” word) the lump would be removed and some lymph nodes and because it is SMALL I would “probably” only need Radiation and no chemotherapy. Can’t believe I was feeling good at hearing I would need Radiation, almost like I was glad to be going to the Biopsy finally.
Now this is how nutty I am…I actually asked Chaundra to come into take pictures of the biopsy so I could post it here…well, I wanted to see what I was going to face before it happened. They wouldn’t let her come. I said I was only kidding. She looked at me and said, No you weren’t! They know me too well.
More to come about the biopsy later…will try and make it as humourous as a biopsy can be. Please if you would like to share your stories let me know. The purpose of this is to help other women on this journey.
Tomorrow is the Big or should I say “Boob” Day
My Best Friend, My Love, My Life
I didn’t feel pain before, but now I lie in bed at night and it is itching, it is hot, it is painful. Is it my imagination or am I really feeling these things.
Well I do digress, more on what has been going on this month.
October 1st, we were celebrating my in-laws 65th Wedding Anniversary. I went to my hairdresser with Chaundra and the girls first thing in the morning to help her out. While I was there I explained to Joe (yes he does my hair at Teknik) what was happening and why I wouldn’t be in for my NEEDED hair cut and colour until I knew what was happening. In my mind I already was having my hair shaved off!! Oh yes, and of course having permanent eyebrows stenciled on…must look good when you are bald you know!
Again, I found the Anniversary Party difficult to try and put on a smiling face and pretend that there was nothing on my mind. Of course, the last thing I would want to do was to spoil my in-laws celebration. There was also one other very important person to consider, my son Ryan. I didn’t want to burden him with the news until I knew for sure what I was facing, but when I saw him I knew that he deserved to know. Another lesson, don’t keep secrets. You will be surprised what others can handle.
That night the most difficult thing that I had to handle was that two very special people didn’t come to the party. Yet, in hindsight, I wonder if I could have kept as strong if they had arrived? In fact, even writing this I come as close to tears as I have since this happened.
During the next few weeks I actually found that I was isolating myself from friends. I was still actively going to the gym but I was almost hiding from everyone. Again, didn’t want to cry.
I did have a good friend, Anna, drive from Brighton to visit me and again, made me realize how fortunate I was to have good friends and that you needed to share.
News that someone I admired greatly had passed away from Breast Cancer after a valiant effort probably brought me the closest I have been to tears. I found that I was fighting back the emotions at the Funeral Home. Watching her friends and family and knowing what they had been through was difficult.
I had breakfast with Marty Green, one that we had been trying to have for a few weeks and I think it was then that I got big awakening. Marty knows me as a very positive person and when he listened to how I was reacting he just told me to listen to what I was saying. I had mentally prepared myself for being bald, even talking to my hairdresser about shaving my head; planning my treatments and who knows what else. Marty, just encouraged me to start my blog, and quit thinking negative thoughts. Start thinking positively, listen to positive affirmations and taking one day at a time. Yep, these are lessons that I am usually preaching! Marty, I can’t thank you enough because again, another big turning point!
So as I wait for what happens on October 19th, I will keep updating you on what it feels like the next few hours.
I still don’t know what I am going to be facing but at least I will be partially there.
By the way, thanks everyone for the prayers and wishes!
Stay tuned!
The Date is set..and More Lessons Learned
My special Message to special little ones
Plan number two, they would try and get me into see another Surgeon and would get back to me. On September 28th, I received a call from my Physician’s office that I would be seen at the Waterloo Wellington Breast Centre on October 19th. Guess slightly over a month since I saw my Dr. is not a long time, not unless you are dealing with the uncertainty of a result.
I needed to talk to somebody that could fully understand what I was feeling and going through. Take out the emotion and be understanding. Although my sister-in-law has gone through Breast Cancer twice she was just too close to talk to in this case. Again, I might cry!
I knew that Arisa Alexanian had spoken at a fund raiser that we had had for the Digital Mammogram Machine. As a new mother she was fighting Breast Cancer at that time so I sent her a note. Big Lesson, call out to someone who has been through this journey that you respect and use the resource.
Arisa was fantastic. She gave me guidance up until the time of the Biopsy and then let’s deal with what comes later when it does come. One piece of advise she gave me was to quit looking up everything on the internet. Great advise, and I took it. I think my daughter was probably also happy that I listened because I quit sending her links every hour and asking her opinion. Her answer started to be “Quit Mom”.
I was also determined to be in the best physical shape I could possible achieve. I had been working out and eating better since early summer and I just became more focused on my health. No matter what is coming down the pipe, I am going to be ready for it!
BUT, I still had some more lessons to learn.
And it the Men should take note too!
