My special Message to special little ones

And it the Men should take note too!

This has seemed like the longest month in my life. From the time I heard on September 16th that I had a mass on my right breast, until now, I have gone through so many emotions. Funny thing, I haven’t cried. For anyone who knows me well, I am very emotional, I cry watching Toy Story! This probably has surprised me more than anything.
The weekend after the Dr.’s appointment was probably the worst time during the month. My daughter, Chaundra spent the weekend bawling and Bob was a mess. I think that is what kept me strong. Knowing that I couldn’t let them know how concerned I was about the news.
We celebrated Bob’s aunt’s 90th Birthday on September 18th and I found that was difficult dealing with the raw news and trying to be cheerful in front of everyone.
By Monday, although I had hardly slept at all, I think the shock had worn off a bit and I started to get anxious. Chaundra took the bull by the horns and contacted the “best Boob Dr.” in the area to see when I was going to get in to see him. She continued calling the office with no firm date. Just “the Dr. hasn’t been in and he hasn’t had an opportunity to review the file yet.” I had been told that I needed to be “vigilant” regarding my care???
During the first few days I spent “alot of time” looking up everything I could see on Breast Cancer and Tumours. The risk factors; what my chances of having a malignant tumour were; what was involved in a biopsy.
I also shared the news with a few close friends in the medical system. I wanted to get an opinion on what they knew and what should I expect.
At breakfast on September 20th with Marty, Anita and Kristin I shared with them what I was facing. It was at this meeting that they encouraged me to start a blog. I did, but only in my head at that point.
I shared the news and fears with the strangest people. Actually, it was with total strangers. I needed to talk to somebody but didn’t want to burden friends and family. I didn’t want to cry!
Two very precious people in my life, Abby and Sydney had a day off school on September 23rd. I had promised that I would take them on a train ride to Toronto and spend a night. Although I was exhausted from not sleeping and trying to appear happy I decided to keep my promise. I am so glad that I did because it became a turning point for me. Life had to go on and I have so much to live for and be thankful for.

The rest of the month to follow:…..

I returned from a long overdue visit with family and friends in Oshawa and automatically checked the answering machine that evening.
Now, remembering that I had my Mammogram on September 12th, when I noticed that my Dr.’s office had called first thing in the morning on September 14th my heart skipped a beat. My husband Bob, had booked a physical examination six months earlier and I was hoping that the message was just to bump up his appointment. When I listened to the message my heart sank….the Dr. wanted to see me on September 27th. It was too late to call the Dr.’s office at that point but I had a sinking feeling that this was not good news. Although, I am the eternal optomist I couldn’t help but shake.
I am a planner; I like to be in control of things around me and I want an answer now. Not very good, in fact I am terrible about waiting for answers. There was no sleeping for me that night. All I knew was that I wasn’t going to wait until September 27th to go to see the Dr.
It is funny, but when I had ever thought about having to deal with anything regarding my own health, I had always felt that I would never tell anyone and deal with it myself. Well, that didn’t last long!
Bob and I went to dinner, and while I was updating him on my trip, I told him that my best friend Barb, had invited me to visit her in Las Vegas. His first reaction…”Well go”…my answer “I might not be able to”..and then I told him that my gut feeling about the call was not good. In fact its was terrible!
Nine am, as soon as the office opened I was on the phone. I told the Dr.’s office that I knew something was wrong, you don’t call me about 36 hours after my Mammogram to say “the Dr. wants to see you” for no reason. The panic had already set in.
I was given an appointment for 11:30 that morning and had my daughter, Chaundra come with me. Knowing me, I knew that I would put on a good front and immediately forget alot of what was said.
The Dr. reviewed the Mammogram and Radiologist report with me and sure enough my worst fears were confirmed. I had a mass at 10 o’clock on my right breast. I was asked if I had any pain…not that I remember but I work out and if I had I would have discounted it. When I was given a physical examination, the Dr. could feel the mass and boy, it hurt!
I was going to be referred to a surgeon, the “best boob Dr. in the area” and to say I was in shock is an understatement.
This is going to be a continuing story, hopefully with a happy ending because as of October 17th, I still haven’t seen a Surgeon. We are now over a month since my examination.
I must explain why I decided to write this blog. I have journalled for years and find that it enables me to get rid of alot of stress. Usually, I have kept difficult, the most difficult situations to myself but this time it is different. During the last month I have found that there are not too many resources to go to when you are dealing with the uncertainty, but there are resources. I hope to be one for other people. I had three very good working partners encourage me to blog, Marty Green, Anita Van Rootselaar and Kristin Ghent, plus my husband Bob.
I have only shared what is going on with a few friends and some family members but now please accompany me on my journey…I will catch you up on what has been happening over the past month, nothing medically unfortunately, but the emotions, fears and concerns that I have experienced. I might be asking for support and encouragement and also please share your stories.
Stay tuned…!!